saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
