No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
