I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
