dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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