look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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