I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
