How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
