I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
