He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
