trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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