Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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