Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
