just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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