it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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