I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
