We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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