Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
