kristin has been a bad kristin
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
