I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
