but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
