do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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