People in love make me want to vomit
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
