Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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