Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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