I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
