the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wear drunk well.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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