She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
