these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
