good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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