Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just pee around me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
