No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
