It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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