"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
