shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
