I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
