My first STD was from a foam party
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
