Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
