The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
