Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
