i jhust puked up my retainher.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
