Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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