:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
