I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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