You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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