u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
