SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
