He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
