why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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