So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
