He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
