So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
