maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
