Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How does one acquire holy water?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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