I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
