i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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