am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
