I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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